Week 5: Inhaling Cont’d.

Prelude

Maybe I should run away.

Suddenly, I find no need to be where I am.

The world beyond has more for me to explore. So

Why am I not exploring?

I’m not sure if this is the new normal.

If it is, I have not done too well…

For some reason, on Saturday and Sunday, I didn’t feel compelled to do any work whatsoever. I have to, but I felt like doing nothing.

What was it that drained me in only seven days?

First on Et al Orbit…

I took a few photos with one of my subjects, but when it came to editing, the shots weren’t what I have in mind; I wasn’t able to recreate the vision I saw for the essay.

After doing more research, I came across this really informative video on how to tackle nighttime photography by Lewis Potts (a little hint at an effect that I’m working on).

Here are some results:

I think both of them could be better, but they both took a lot of time to make.

After the tutorial, I was able to find different ways to execute the shots for the specific subject, but, again, I’m not sure if it’ll work the way I’d like it to.

I want to fulfill my vision, and at the same time, I would like to create something I never thought of. I hope this goes to plan.

College

I submitted a big scholarship this week. I can’t believe that was a couple of days ago. I have sort of mixed feelings about it. One part of me knows I put in SO MUCH WORK to have it done to the best it could be before submission. Another part of me is worried that what I wrote was not enough. I’m not sure if I’ll get it, I don’t think I’ll get it, but if I do, I would be so happy.

After turning that in, I didn’t feel like doing any more college stuff for the entire week.

I have a deadline in a couple of days.

Great. No breaks just yet.

Relationships

My friends: the studiers

I find that my interactions are quite weird. For some reason, I got annoyed with my parents again this week, but for no reason whatsoever. For the most minute reasons.

I never used to be like this. Why am I becoming more irritated?

I would say that most people come to me for help, and of the people who do, most don’t make any attempt by themselves. I don’t like that. I want to say no, but at the same time, I do want to give them all the help in the world. So I do. I help them. Sometimes I do the work for them. It’s exhausting.

When I come back from school, I feel like saying absolutely nothing. My dinners are quiet and evenings are silent. My mornings are spent in solitude and constant yearning for contemplation.

During these moments alone, people come to me and want to talk.

I’m tired, but I still need to keep up the energy.

I guess what I’m trying to say is that I’ve been spending less time on activities I would like to do and on people, I would like to help. Maybe that’s why I feel exhausted.

I’m aware that my workload is much now because we are about to go on mid-term break, but I have been feeling drained.

Entertainment

This week I continued to watch Cowboy Bebop (highly suggest) and found this animated film on Netflix called Entergalactic.

It tells this beautiful story of two lovers in New York finding one another. The two characters are neighbors and with their friends, work, and ex-lovers they find ways to be there for one another. I call the piece beautiful because of the way it visualizes love. On-screen, it’s this blissful and painful feeling that takes one to places they thought they could never go.

Doing more research after watching, I found that Scott Mescudi (Kid Cudi) and Kenya Barris were behind the project. I will most definitely listen to more of Kid Cudi’s work, but I highly recommend this film to any and everyone.

I continued to read The Hours by Micheal Cunningham. There’re so many beautiful pieces of work, but this feels like one of the best-written pieces of writing I’ve read.

I’m also thinking of participating in something like this. I find it truly remarkable what these people are able to do.

Creativity

This week, I tried to work on storyboards for a sequence in Meadow (I should have it done by next week’s post).

I forgot, but I published a short post spontaneously called “My Inner Ape”.

I also did some character development for Let’s Save Ahmed. I’m so excited, I started to tear up a bit when I was writing for one of the main characters.

Reflection

I feel like I’ve been constantly telling myself to take a break or relax, yet I feel like I’m some sort of modern-day Icarus. I’m obsessed with my work and infatuated till I have not stopped. So I feel that I should lean into it, but what I will say is that I will focus more on the relationships that I build.

If I take anything away from what I wrote about in the relationships section is that I should be more mindful of the people I lend my energy to, but also protect myself. I should say “no” more often when people want me to do their work, give me trouble, or flat-out insult me. Maybe this week I should try living, not in solitude, but more deliberate. I should expand on this, and I’ll write about what happens.

Anyways, I hope the post was okay. Any suggestions? Until next time Ben…

I should practice Niksen.

The sky was lovely on Friday. Maybe because of the hurricane